I am a loud noisy woman who says what she thinks. I think it's about time
that the sisters stood up at main circle and said hey "just because we're
drummers doesn't mean we have to drum like a jackhammer 24 hours a day."
"Let's try to make space between the drumming for silence and singing
and chanting and ???"
This is an issue we struggle with locally in San Diego. The only way the
space will be made is for the sisters and brothers who want that space in
the drumming to demand it. By joining our voices together we can pull a
more human, more loving vibe into the drums.
And yes there are times when the drumming needs to be intense. But as
with everything, if we look to the ocean for advice we see there is an
ebb and flow not only of the tide, but also of the force of the waves.
I view this situation as part of the overall problem in our culture:
people want things to change but the don't feel empowered to instigate
change.
As I am not a drummer, I try in verbal ways. At our local drum circle, we
stop the drumming periodically and talk. Give people the opportunity to
make announcements, share a heart song, point out a potential problem, do
a "we love you" or whatever. That helps some. But as is generally the
case, those of us who talk are few in numbers so the frenzied drummers
don't feel the suggestions coming from the group, but rather from a few
of us "old folks."
Ok. Enough of my raps. I am so anxious to make connections with other
strong and outspoken sisters, especially my younger sisters. Sister
Circle is great, but the vibe that we create there needs to be shared
with our entire family. This is important. This is a gift that we can
give to the whole circle.
Love ya all,
Karin
PS For those who have never been to a sister only thing: In February 1997
there was a sister only gathering in Southern California. The largest
difference between a mixed gender and woman only gathering to me was in
the drumming. Around the fire at night the drumming flowed from 100%
full on boogie, down to heartsongs and poetry sharing, into singing and
back into drumming. It was a beautiful experience. It was a natural
flow.
BoomBdBoom wrote:
>
> As others here have pointed out, men and women are not so
> different. We are all human. Our differences overlap like a
> matched pair of bell curves. Hey, even I can write my name in
> the snow. Maybe not so well, and the short version, but I
> proved it. Oh no! I'm a feminazi!
>
> Only our preoccupation with ourselves makes the differences seem
> so important. When we approach each other as individuals, in
> every way, a lot of the feminine vs masculine just drops
> away. I have been surprised to remember the genders of my
> fiends. I know what they think and how they feel is affected
> by their gender, but other factors can have as much or more to
> do with what makes them special. I have other friends who exude their gender
> in ways that make it hard to overlook. It seems to depend on how seriously
> they take
> their own gender and orientation.
>
> I've also noticed that things change a lot when people form groups. As long as
> the mixture is even, interactions seem pretty normal to me. Get a
> preponderance of one gender of the other and there is a clear difference. I
> noticed this in karate class one day. There were about 20 men, and me. The
> joking and way the jokes were taken became cruder and more competitive. There
> was a lot more posing. Groups with few men tend to have more of a lilting
> "and then she said," quality, and more giggling.
>
> So what does this have to do with Rainbow? Everything. Most of
> the time I have found the National to be a very Yang thing.
> Especially on the fourth. It got so strong in Vermont that I
> found myself retreating to Goddess Grove, then to Sister Circle
> just to get a little balance.
>
> OK, I'll tell the truth. Sister Circle loured me in one time with a drum jam.
> That was when I realized how different the energies were. Then I started
> beating a retreat there when things got too much at Main Circle and didn't
> improve at my local kitchen.
>
> I'm not happy spending all my time in sister circle. I begin to feel repressed
> there. They just don't like to get as noisy or active as I do. Still,
> knowing it's there, that I can retreat to it when I need to, and that there
> won't be men there, is invaluable to me. For that reason I avoid Brothers
> Circle. Men should also have a place of retreat.
>
> BTW, those brothers who feel they just have to impose themselves on sister
> circle just make it that much longer until I am willing to come out. After
> all, it's that in-your-face quality that drives me in there to begin with.
>
> So why don't we try to rebalance main circle? Might as well change the orbit
> of the moon, while we're at it. There are things that can be done to mellow
> things out more. But I don't want them more mellow! I like the explosion at
> the end of the silence. The more radical the better. Most of the time I
> don't need a breather. Most of the time a rain storm will give one to me.
>
> There are things we need to be concerned with. For instance, the brothers who
> like to literally drag sisters to the ground are a serious problem for the
> overall feel of a gathering. Even if they don't do physical harm, who wants
> to be treated that way? I love hugs, but have become really leery of those
> "hug patrols" Got frisked or felt up too may times I guess. And I wish the
> noisy boys at the drum jams would stop and listen some times.
>
> I've noticed there seems to be a difference in the way we treat gender based on
> age. There is a generation gap that can be as small as 10 years. American
> culture has gone through some pretty big gyrations lately. Things that women
> fought long and hard for 30 years ago are taken for granted by a woman in her
> early 20's. Things that were issues in the 60's seemed like dead horses to me
> when I hit that age. Now a whole new set of issues have come up. Really,
> that holding the door open business only seems to be a problem with other
> people and people in Utah. :-)
>
> Part of this I think has to do with the phases of life we all go to. Some of
> it is just my perspective. A lot of it really is just that the times they are
> a changing.
>
> One of the issues that was big in my time (80's) is how to relate to friends
> and lovers. I generally have a number of male friends. I find it easier to
> pall around with them. It USED to be impassable to find women friends with
> brains. Way too many of them waisted their time on hair and nails, or where
> to score a stash. Most of the time the gender of my friends hasn't been an
> issue. Now and then I would be side swiped by some guy who fell in love with
> me. Now I'm married, I haven't had as much trouble with it. My female
> friends tended to have the opposite problem; how to get their male friends to
> fall for them.
>
> I don't know how much of an issue that is now. I don't run with the heads
> anymore. I run with the mommys. That's a whole different set of concerns.
>
> Montana Crystal
>
> BoomBdBoom@aol.com
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