Only our preoccupation with ourselves makes the differences seem
so important. When we approach each other as individuals, in
every way, a lot of the feminine vs masculine just drops
away. I have been surprised to remember the genders of my
fiends. I know what they think and how they feel is affected
by their gender, but other factors can have as much or more to
do with what makes them special. I have other friends who exude their gender
in ways that make it hard to overlook. It seems to depend on how seriously
they take
their own gender and orientation.
I've also noticed that things change a lot when people form groups. As long as
the mixture is even, interactions seem pretty normal to me. Get a
preponderance of one gender of the other and there is a clear difference. I
noticed this in karate class one day. There were about 20 men, and me. The
joking and way the jokes were taken became cruder and more competitive. There
was a lot more posing. Groups with few men tend to have more of a lilting
"and then she said," quality, and more giggling.
So what does this have to do with Rainbow? Everything. Most of
the time I have found the National to be a very Yang thing.
Especially on the fourth. It got so strong in Vermont that I
found myself retreating to Goddess Grove, then to Sister Circle
just to get a little balance.
OK, I'll tell the truth. Sister Circle loured me in one time with a drum jam.
That was when I realized how different the energies were. Then I started
beating a retreat there when things got too much at Main Circle and didn't
improve at my local kitchen.
I'm not happy spending all my time in sister circle. I begin to feel repressed
there. They just don't like to get as noisy or active as I do. Still,
knowing it's there, that I can retreat to it when I need to, and that there
won't be men there, is invaluable to me. For that reason I avoid Brothers
Circle. Men should also have a place of retreat.
BTW, those brothers who feel they just have to impose themselves on sister
circle just make it that much longer until I am willing to come out. After
all, it's that in-your-face quality that drives me in there to begin with.
So why don't we try to rebalance main circle? Might as well change the orbit
of the moon, while we're at it. There are things that can be done to mellow
things out more. But I don't want them more mellow! I like the explosion at
the end of the silence. The more radical the better. Most of the time I
don't need a breather. Most of the time a rain storm will give one to me.
There are things we need to be concerned with. For instance, the brothers who
like to literally drag sisters to the ground are a serious problem for the
overall feel of a gathering. Even if they don't do physical harm, who wants
to be treated that way? I love hugs, but have become really leery of those
"hug patrols" Got frisked or felt up too may times I guess. And I wish the
noisy boys at the drum jams would stop and listen some times.
I've noticed there seems to be a difference in the way we treat gender based on
age. There is a generation gap that can be as small as 10 years. American
culture has gone through some pretty big gyrations lately. Things that women
fought long and hard for 30 years ago are taken for granted by a woman in her
early 20's. Things that were issues in the 60's seemed like dead horses to me
when I hit that age. Now a whole new set of issues have come up. Really,
that holding the door open business only seems to be a problem with other
people and people in Utah. :-)
Part of this I think has to do with the phases of life we all go to. Some of
it is just my perspective. A lot of it really is just that the times they are
a changing.
One of the issues that was big in my time (80's) is how to relate to friends
and lovers. I generally have a number of male friends. I find it easier to
pall around with them. It USED to be impassable to find women friends with
brains. Way too many of them waisted their time on hair and nails, or where
to score a stash. Most of the time the gender of my friends hasn't been an
issue. Now and then I would be side swiped by some guy who fell in love with
me. Now I'm married, I haven't had as much trouble with it. My female
friends tended to have the opposite problem; how to get their male friends to
fall for them.
I don't know how much of an issue that is now. I don't run with the heads
anymore. I run with the mommys. That's a whole different set of concerns.
Montana Crystal
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