> (snip)
>
> Maddy Clare again:
> The idea that women seek abusive men is ludicrous. Some
> women ARE sick, but so are the MEN that taught them that pattern,
> i.e., to equate violence with love.
> __________________________________________________________________________
> Mark:
> Some women are sick, but MEN taught them to be that way? Talk about
> ludicrous!
> What about personal responsibility? Aren't you doing the same thing you
> accused
> me of...complaining about some imaginary unfairness and weakness on
> men's part?
> ____________________________________________________________
>
> (end of snip)
>
> This is a conversation I've had before. I do think that some women learn
> destructive patterns of behavior from men, especially young girls who have
> been abused by older men, incest, and such. You are a children's
> counselor, Mark. It seems logical to think that you've had to deal with
> some of the confusion, pain, and shame a young girl experiences when
> abused.
This thread IS getting more and more interesting. I wish I had the time
to address all the excellent points that are being brought up, but I
don't. I do, however, feel the need to reply to this since it was in
reply to what I had written.
Yes, I work with young girls and boys who have been unbelievably abused,
in ways you don't want to hear about. And, yes, these kids grow up to be
adults who, for the most part, are messed up in some pretty serious
ways. However, there comes a time in each person's life (hopefully) when
they discover that the past cannot be allowed to color the present and
future any longer. This is a turning point, a moment when the hurt child
decides to grow up and become a mature human being. This is the point in
life where one realizes that they are responsible for their own
happiness and that it is their responsibility to take action, to change
and to grow. Usually counseling or therapy is needed to help these
wounded folks face the past, confront it, and resolve it. Until the past
is dealt with, the abused remains a child, I don't care how old the body
is, the personality remains immature. It's time for all of us (me
included!) to grow up, stop blaming others for our pain and unhappiness,
and to make our lives more like what we want them to be.
This is not directed at any one person:
If you are the victim of childhood abuse, get help! (most abused people
need help, whether they admit that to themselves or not). There is no
shame in asking for help! I had a terrible childhood and suffered
greatly (as did those around me) through my teens, my twenties, and half
of my thirties! Don't waste your life in pain...it's not neccessary!
I've been in therapy three different times in the past 12 years, and
will be in therapy again, I imagine. It's GOOD to have someone who
listens intently to all you have to say, accepts you as you are (warts
and all), reflects what you say from a new and different perspective so
you see more clearly what you think and who you are, and gives you
unconditional love as a human being. If your counselor isn't doing all
of these things, find another one. If you can't afford it, call your
local mental health agency, family services agency, or something
similar. You can get free or very inexpensive counseling, if you really
want it.
I love you all, brothers and sisters (warts and all!) -Mark