> Making up new RULES for the correct behavior between males
>and females is only alienating us even further.
======
Wow so much said in one sentence! Touch'e
I understand there is great difference between men & women but how can
anybody think let alone talk in ways that try to describe these differences
in such "all encompassing" descriptions?
Some talk about how men look for only certain kind of women (pretty, young,
slim, etc) .... others claim the opposite.
Some say women just blame men for their problems and themselves are the
one's that need healing ..... others say it's the MEN who need healing.
Big debates over how men & women think/act ..... many opposing (and
agreeing) view points to same subject.
So who's right and who's wrong? ........ Seems to me ALL are!
So what's the point? ....... As I said, I understand there is difference
between the sex’s and that there is need to try and see/understand some of
these differences, but why SO MUCH focus on it?
What about the "HUMANS"? ....... What about the "HUMANS"?
Some argue men have more rights/freedoms than women (and some think visa
versa) ...... but both sex’s make up another BIG group ..... Humans.
Why don't these "humans" get very much air time?
If men "&" women make up the human tribe and humans should treat each other
as equals ( a higher thought than reality, I know)..... then why is not more
talk aimed at how we treat each other as "humans" instead of so much on how
men treat women & women treat men?
People seem to not be able to help but get stuck in "generalities" when
talking about how women are or men are. Though most are valid points in some
circumstances, in others, the definitions just plain don't fit! ....
So what's the point? When opposing views are BOTH true, what's the conclusion?
Now humans .... they too can't be put into one certain category either. But
when discussing what humans are and how they act/should act to each other,
at least it takes it to a different level.
Instead of it being about how men & women treat each other .... it's about
how "PEOPLE" treat each other. And both men "&" women have equal footing in
this subject.
It's not so much that anything is wrong with talking about differences
between men & women, but it does seem this topic often leads to talking
about really how "PEOPLE" treat each other.
Wouldn't "some" of this focus be better in a "human beings" contents?
Wouldn’t some of this focus be better spent on how we as "human beings"
treat each other? Wouldn’t it’s results automatically spill over to how
men & women treat each other?
Though there are many differences between men & women ( and I hope THAT
never changes) ……. We are ALL humans and deserve mutual respect from others
(and to give such in return) regardless of gender.
I know some people are getting some personal insight from all these
discussions, but much of it seems to be the same old BS with no conclusion
and just adding to our alienation of each other.
Please don’t misunderstand my message. I’m not so much trying to put down
(or discourage) all this talk about men & women as much as I’m trying to say
"let’s talk more about what’s right and wrong about how we treat each other
(and ourselves) as fellow human beings". I believe MANY of the questions
wondered about how men & women treat each other would be answered by such
discussions.
I admit to some degree of being a little uptight in seeing/hearing so much
focus being on "men & women". I’m not sure why I feel this way because I do
feel there is difference and that it needs exploring. But all I seem to
hear people talk about when trying to become more understanding, usually
ends up becoming a "gender" issue (or a "us vs. Them").
This is not only with rainbow but in our society in general. When such
discussions get "too" out of balance, they become just another thing to keep
us all separated into opposing groups with little chance of us ever getting
to the issue of treating each other with true respect.
Besides racism, drugs, money, politics and other such loo loo’s, those
powers that try to control & suppress our freedoms as a people, must rejoice
in knowing they have another topic to help keep us apart (men vs. Women).
I am a man (but "person" first) and I know there is much truth to what some
people have to say about the sexes…. But for some of us men (and women) it
just don’t fit "our world" or the path we walk. I have been with the same
women (person) for over 24 years. I’m sure we play male/female games in some
ways, but really it’s about showing each other mutual respect as human
beings. Of course, being with one women most my life, does tend to keep me
out of such experiences as having trouble finding someone to share my life
with or getting laid or relating to the opposite sex without the big "S"
word getting in the way (will she or won’t she have sex with me? I want
her, does she want me?).
There seems to be heck of a lot more single men & women than couples at a
gathering (and society in general?)… so maybe my problem with all this is
that I’m in a different loop than many and can’t relate so much to all this
stuff, but I really don’t think that is what gets me feeling this way.
I want to be a better person. I want to look at the games I play with
myself and other people. I want myself and others to become more loving &
respectful of each other, to take more responsibility for our own actions
and quite blaming so much on others.
For me, the "male/female" issue is just one more thing we talk to death
(like race, money, politics and so forth)… but never seem to get to any real
conclusions or enlightenment’s.
The roles men & women play/should play, changes with the eyes of the beholder.
They also change (and change back?) with time. What seems right or wrong to
most of us now is different than in the past and will probably be different
in the future. Does anybody know what is the RIGHT role for men? Or women?
We are a moment in history with different views from our ancestors and more
than likely different views than our offspring will have, yet so much is
said so "matter-of- factly".
This can also be said about talking about People (men & women) as humans
and how we treat/should treat each other….. but I can’t help but feel true
change and healing will only come when we put our deference’s aside
(including our gender) and start focusing MUCH MORE on how we treat each
other as HUMANS (and the responsibility of our own words & actions)….. now
that might be a subject worth taking part in.
I really wasn’t going to get involved in this "male/female" thread because
so much doesn’t relate to me (but then it does also, I know). And adding one
more "opinion" won’t really change much I don’t think.
But I have seen little on AGR in the recent times that even "talks" that
much about "rainbow" issues (thought that was what this newsgroup was
primarily about?) … and seen even less about people trying to discuss things
of real importance (other than telling their opinions and tending to flame
those thinking differently).
So at least it’s comforting to see folks "trying" to focus on some real
issues on AGR.
If AGR is used so much to talk about sex and politics and gays and boogers,
then can someone tell me what newsgroup is focusing more on rainbow? (I
know, I’m being a bit exaggerating… sorry)
Over the last couple of years of being subscribed to this newsgroup, many
wise, informative and enlightening things have been said, and not always in
a "nice" way ( I don’t think we ALWAYS need to be polite or "sweet" when
talking to each other).
Lately though, much of AGR’s contents have seemed pretty shallow and a waste
of time.
Please understand this happens to be how "I" feel at the moment and is not
meant to pass judgement on others or say that what they have been writing is
not important in some way to them or others. Obviously many people are
taking part in these threads so somebody must be getting something out of
it…… just keep waiting to see more folks start talking about more basic
things like respect, trust, sharing, teaching, learning and helping each
other out.
As with most problems at our gatherings (and the world), we always seem to
avoid the "real" reasons of a problem and focus on some "result" of it, thus
missing the opportunity to really solve the problem and instead just keep
the confusion/problem going.
For all the problems one faces in this world, I still believe an individual
has enormous powers to shape their own life. How one thinks, talks and acts
does indeed determine their path in life. Yes YOU are more responsible for
your current situation than powers outside yourself, including the effect
other people & society have on your life ( poor/wealthy, redneck/liberal,
black/white, MALE/FEMALE!, whatever)
When will we (yes I’m guilty of it too) quite blaming others for our
problems and lack of having, and start taking more responsibility for our
own situation in life?
As with people who sit on corners and ask others for spare change ….. the
only change one will get in their life is when they start giving it to
themselves.
Yea I know, it’s easier to blame others instead of yourself for one’s
current state of being.
And as elusive as truth is, most REALLY don’t want to see or talk about
real truth because it would mean they would then have to DO something about
it or know they are living in contradiction of what they say (both can be
initially very uncomfortable to contemplate).
Guess it’s easier to stay blind and blame "others" for our personal
disappointments in life.
Well I won’t try and fool myself (or you) into thinking I know what I’m
talking about but it felt good to babble on. Maybe it will lead to looking
deeper into what I really believe and don’t…. Maybe this is just another
post for the "trash pile".
Though I sure would like to spend more of my time finding out what is
important to MY life and how to go about being in more harmony/balance with
what I "think & desire from life" and what I actually "say & do in life".
Well as usual, I’ve taken what planned to be a quick reply and turned it
into another looooong post. Sorry just don’t know how to say things in
condensed form (actually this IS condensed :) ……. Hey good thing I didn’t
jump in earlier huh?
Just thinking
out loud ……… BJ
P.S. For all the serious things to think and talk about in life, please
don’t forget about humor. Without it being a regular part of one’s thoughts,
words and actions, true happiness & harmony will never be reached in one’s life.
What good is ANY philosophy, religion or way of life without the ability to
laugh at ones self, others or other such things we take so seriously. But
that is a whole other thread isn’t it?
OK OK I’m done ( for now :)