It was about why men get violent.)
**************
Legeia said,
>>Say now, this is very interesting and I'd really like to know why some
guys get so ballistic - how can they justify this to themselves? I
mean, what kind of a dialogue is going on in his head?
How to explain what goes thru a guy's head when he flips out and starts
to hit his woman?
I can't tell you from personal experience. I've never done physical
violence to a woman. When I get mad at a woman - I'll withdraw and treat
her coldly, after I've reached final dispair of being able to solve it
by talking about it. That doesn't mean I've never wanted to do violence,
or never fantasized about it. But so far both the Devil and Krishna have
always showed up in time to stop me. I can imagine myself going off on a
trip like that guy with the telescopic sight on top of Memorial Tower,
shooting 49 people before they got him. I'm that crazy, that is a demon
I know I've got inside me.
But what do I do about that? I listen to the kinder gods, and be sure to
say "Thank you, SIR" when the devil has just given me some on-the- job
training. I treat such demons like the power supply on that piece of
gear I'm working with - that thing can zap and burn, so keep it in it's
place away from the other stuff, and watch the gauges. I get some help
if it gets to be more than I can handle. Same things most other people
do.
What goes thru other men's heads? I can try to answer that a little from
having watched and acted in movies among my acquaintances, and knowing
what they have gone thru having to grow up a male.
The basic reasoning in just about any violence trip is - they want to
change what you do by punishing you. If you were in what is still the
majority of families, your parents spanked you and yelled at you loudly
when you did things they didn't want as a kid. So what do you do as an
adult to really satisfy your emotions? You hurt that guy and make him
afraid. Why do you think this is going to work? Because that's what
worked when you were first learning what worked as a kid, when your
basic emotions were being formed. If Daddy beat Mommy, he most probably
hit you kids too. I'll teach that little brat a lesson he ain't gonna
forget. Fast forward to - united we will teach those Serbs (niggers,
etc.) a lesson they won't forget.
When you grow up a man, you learn real early you'd better get strong
enough and terrifying enough to be a punisher, or the other kids
learning will start to practice on you. You 've got to prove you're
gonna be a man. You're strong, you're good at competitive sports, you
can fight if you have to, you don't cry at a little pain - hell, you
don't cry at all (you cuss instead). You can do things better than the
other guys, and they all know all this, so they don't fuck with you. You
never let yourself totally off guard, you watch your back, or get a good
buddy who will help do it for you (one who has trust that you'll be able
to do same for him too). Anybody who doesn't embrace this code if he
lands in prison is asking to be a fuck dummy for every baboon in there.
Now it usually is different for most women. They might spank a girl when
she's real little, but the sister gets treated more gently in a physical
way as soon as she starts talking. Daddy might still tan Sonny's hide
when is is almost in his teens, but past the terrible twos Daughter is
going to get scolded and yelled at, and get heavy loads of shame laid on
her - rather than the physical punishment (and not just from Daddy) the
boy gets. Your older brother or your father will step in and risk
themselves to defend you from physical threats from others, but only if
you're a good girl who follows the rules and never is Not Fair. (This is
not to say Daughter never gets hit by Daddy when he's drunk, but this is
still less usual than for the guys.)
And this leads to the way Adult Woman tries to control. She scolds, she
talks about the rules, she tries to make you ashamed. She just keeps
riding your ass about this and that, 'til she won't cut you an inch of
slack. She lets you know how ashamed she is of being associated with you
by all the other people she knows. She comes to bed with you, and then
makes you go to sleep without your supper.
And so we get these two fighting styles coming together to make a
typical domestic disturbance. He leaves his slurbis all over the florp,
and he comes in all fladdlepated again, and she starts to bitch and
bitch about it, and when he defiantly says "Fuck you" as an invitation
to fight, she starts in on some really shaky part of his pride, and this
time that does it. Wham. Scream. Hide in corner. Hiss and say, "One more
time, bitch." Walk out to get another drink. Sob. And this is if this is
one of the better ones that doesn't end up in the emergency room.
Now what amplifies this? Well, if you can't handle a little bitty woman,
hey - maybe I want to beat you up for fun. Few things are gonna get you
more razzing from the guys than being henpecked - or in the most popular
Navy term: pussy-whipped. It was never the woman who had the cuckold's
horns in the old bawdy stories, it was the dude who got all the shame
when some other dude was getting some from his wife.
And besides, you gotta let her know once in a while who's boss in case
she forgets and starts to get a little uppity. God knows that's how all
the dudes are - the next baboon is getting impatient to see your ass.
And then - all you hear from the other guys is how much pussy they're
getting. What?! You ain't getting any?. Well, I guess some of us got
what it takes and some don't. Or maybe you're queer. If a woman comes in
all cranky, the guys say, "What's the matter, is she on the rag?" If a
dude comes in the same way, they say, "What's the matter, didn't his
wife put out for him last night?"
Now why do you get jealous. Well, here's the only person in the whole
wide world you can talk with about a lot of things. The guys will just
laugh at you if you say those things. And you got to keep your source of
pussy so you can still tell the guys you're getting some. And those
other guys are just waiting for the chance to move in too. And just look
at that loser creep she's getting the hots for. You mean to tell me that
he's a better man than me? Well, we'll see about that - HEY DUDE...
Now what's the cure for domestic violence? If we really find that, I
dare say we will have also found the cure for war. Until then, for
starters, I would recommend to any dude to try doing a shift of
shanti-sena while wearing a dress. (It can be done, I have) To begin
with, you won't want to go doing dumb shit that gets that thing messed
up, and that makes you slightly change your style.
>>You're stirring up a hornet's nest, Bumblebee Bill.
Anything to get a buzz.
- Butterfly Bill
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